not not eating- rather a bug of some sort leaving me sicker than i’ve ever
been and i had to cancel a big sleepover party and we got a nor’easter
today and there’s a ripper of a party tomorrow and me stuck at home and i
love snow and i love love my friends and i’m more than a little upset with
my immune system right now but mostly i’m mad at big brother brain for not
taking care of shit in a preventative fashion and i’m alone at the house
and i watched all my movies almost and listened to pet sounds eight times
(at least). so shed a boo hoo for you know, but who cares.

ever forget to eat for a whole day and then wake up the next morning
feeling like a paper doll and being almost unable to move and then your
mom goes out and gets you gatorade and you sit around doing nothing but
eating hard boiled eggs and drinking gatorade? me too.

xmas eve, mom, sis and i watch heartbeeps, the andy kaufman / bernadette
peters robots in love movie. xmas day, we watched return of the fly. this
is the kind of life i lead. worcester art museum this morning with
nickshea and danielle mysliwiec (of “danielle” non-fame). to nick: “WAM-
wake me up before you go go”. man- first someone paints over my homage to
orange on white at fort worcester. now they remove the original ellsworth
kelley painting from the museum floor. “what the dill?” is my question to
museum staff. very hapy to see that leonardr has completed my href="http://www.crummy.com/nb/view.cgi?notebook=nycb&year=2000&month=12#2000-12-25-4">belated
birthday tape right on schedule. and according to his page, it may or
may not have a song called “susie’s mother’s tamales”. let’s all keep our
fingers crossed on this one, eh?

uggg… i just spent an hour looking through pages on href="http://www.makeoutclub.com">makeoutclub.com- a singles page for
emo + punk + metal kids. the girls are all mad cute and into cute stuff
mean boys & photography (why is photography the emo art of choice?). i
thought it would be “a real good idea” to go through the descriptions and
try and grab some of the choicer bits of text for to use in a song or a
web project. you want a recipe for feeling like abag of mashed ass? read
through a couple pages- deadly. and the fellas are a whole other
problem. i could spell this out but do i have to? no, it’s not about a
given person being pathetic. it just reinforces the emo worldview is
all. oh why why why is true love so hard to find? AIM me: xjpbx_xoxo (not
a real AIM id). currnet favorite bit of text (that doesn’t at all play
into what i’m talking about here but oh well): “i dislike tough guys, jose
cuervo, and montara, california. if you’re not a tough guy, affiliated
with jose cuervo, or a resident of montara, ca, i’d love to talk.”

i thnk it bears noting how much i love href="http://www.nindy.com/jacob/pics/a283.html">this picture.

went xmas shopping yester-eve, ended up buying two books for myself. and
who’s to say i don’t deserve it? i got a book of ed ruscha (pronounced
ROO-shay) paintings, the existence of which i was not aware, but which i
was looking for nonetheless. i looked and looked for ruscha paintings
online this morning but found neither my favorites nor good examples, and
indeed, wasted time. the paintings are found words and phrses written in a
variety of styles on a variety of nebulous backgrounds, my favorites at
the moment being “CAMERAS FALLING BINOCULARS RISING” and “HE LOOKED INTO
THE CROWDED WORKROOM AND SAID WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT PONTIAC
CATALINAS?”.

ugh. so tired.

soft drum set on frontispiece by claes oldenburg,
who i like more and more and more, beacsue i’m a big softie.

installed a search feature- why not? it doesn’t search the picture page
yet, and i’m entertaining arguments as to why it should’nt. another
write-up in the t&g, in a year-end best of local music
article. cheers to that but too bad about listing the url as
“fujicha.com” and greg greg as “greg gregg”. i’ll try and get a
correction. ho hum. good holiday cheer and the other kind = me feeling
blue x-mas. i hate shopping (contrary to popular belief) and all the
other old woes are still in effect. i need to media blitz this week with
flyers, for reasons that are my own. on the other hand, going out to lunch
with my girls (my girls = dairy haus girls) today. jpb: “hey
girls!” girls:”jacob!”.

i’m nervous- i’m awaiting the completion of one-page newsletters from the
west-coast [jacob berendes fan club] avengers, for inclusion in the next
interview with a frankenstein paper issue. other items of note: interviews
with ingrid johnson (possessor of guiness book ABC gum ball), david r
moore (student… of the drum), greg greg comics, reviews, more. biggest
issue ever. to submit items for inclusion, href="mailto:me_and_eileen_wu_rolling_huge_joints_in_pages_torn_out_of_a_delias_catalogue@fujichia.com">to
send. to get in contact with the w.c.[j.b.f.c.] avengers, put $40 in
the hollow tree, cross your eyes and spit. two things: i have procured a
triumverate of extra copies of my man art’s big zine drizzy aeronautiks,
so shout if you need one, and cough something his way if you can (letter,
mix tape, coupons for free pizza). thing the second: ryan you weasely
shit- we made a bet about vhs copy-protection and you owe me 50 damn
sacajawea dollars. i know you’ve got it because you bought a diamond rio
player as soon as they came out. pay up you phd [player-hating
dickhead]. if you do i can finally buy that talking silver surfer doll i
always wanted.

the thing to remember is that becoming covered in blood and paint is at
least as fun as washing blood and paint away in a hot shower is
relaxing. and if your friends don’t dance they’re no friends of mine.

ian flannery leaves for his roadtrip (nashville then
gainesville) tonight. at 10am today, he is due in court, his name change
will take effect, and he will legally become cool breeze. he will leave
and come back to worcester in a month or two. we are sending out a son, to
return a warrior. write to him while he’s on the road at href="mailto:coolbreezethemovie@hotmail.com">coolbreezethemovie@hotmail.com. he
says he’ll check it now and then.

i’m so dirty. it’s been since friday with the same clothes on, walking all
over hell in the nice warm rain, getting rowdy and rolling on the
floor. singalong last night. if you get drunk with your friends and don’t
ever sing songs together, i ask- what good are you? everyone should know 3
chords on the guitar, and 4 songs to sing to them. also- why don’t i have
any pogues records? what’s wrong with me?

does the fact that cheaptrick.com crashed my computer on two consecutive
occasions count as a cheap trick? i would venture a no. but would that
failure to trick (or trick cheaply) count as a cheap trick? again, my
answer is no. also- will someone please get the surrender lyrics/tab and
email it to me?

i try to eat an orange every single day. i’m considering eating a small
piece of chocolate every day as well. i wish worcester had a good
chocolate shop. and a cheese shop. and so on. still unsure as to when
exactly my vacation starts.