the dread of playing this live show has metastasized from my brain to my
chest. when i think about it i feel like a bony hand is gripping my heart,
not allowing it to expand fully. i grow short of breath. I’M NOT A
MAGICIAN. I’M A FUCKING SURGEON. i’m suddenly full of anger. anger
directed inward that is bouncing off my waxy carapace towards other people
(like a cheap crossbow dart). it is, clearly, a maddening affair, from
which i’m trying to extricate myself. this is the third time this has
happened.

the newspaper reports that last weekend a local child was attacked in his sleep by a raccoon. the racoon tore through a screen door, through the cat door, past the kitchen (which contained open containers of garbage aka racoon gold), up the stairs and to the boy, where he lay sleeping in his parents’ bed. the boy had one leg dangling off, which the racoon clamped on to. his father tried to call the police and the racoon cut the phone cord. i’m just repeating what i read in the newspaper.

i’ve only gotten one message from that new virus that’s going around (it scans your address book and sends out letters to everyone with itself as an attachment and the text “Hi! How are you? I send you this file in order to have your advice See you later. Thanks!”). this isn’t notable save for the fact that the one i get is from other music, the tastemaker out-music store i’m half-heartedly trying to get to notice me. i honestly thought “maybe they really are trying to get my advice on something!”. poor me. wot a sap eh wot?

oh yeah, that fiesel show was on friday and yes, fiesel is one of my favorite bands. it was kind of cool that the show was so lame, because the kids that stayed around to watch fiesel (who were up right after two rap rock 14-year-old bands) got messed up by the power trio-dom. one kid asked dan for a broken stick, then later, he was skanking. it makes you feel good because it’s like, “no one really likes modern radio rock, it’s just that for most people, it’s all they’re exposed to”.

two more things- my teeth are not a tool and i’m dreading the upcoming show i’m playing. i’m not going to tell you when or where it is becasue i kind of don’t want people to go. it’s a political puppet show, and i’m just not that kind of political. plus i’m dreading playing live, in a way that transcends stage fright. i wish i could just stick to my guns and say “i never play live”. but i can’t.

me and jeff and handsome matt saw planet of the apes the day it opened. i don’t recommend seeing it- easily tim burton’s worst picture. but i enjoyed it. because i like how remakes of movies are alway always way worse than the originals and have obnoxious special effects.

FYI- i live in a barn and next to the barn is an old swimming pool. we don’t add chlorine, we add plants and rocks. it’s kind of scary- the water is way murky. there are a ton of frogs that i really like hanging out with (including evil mike, the huge superintelligent mastermind frog). saturday night i went to bed so early, and i had incredibly vivid and optomistic dreams, one of which involved swimming with the frogs. sunday, after me and samia and jc and regular mike and matt coe made sumac fake lemonade, i indeed took a dip and it was awesome.

sumac fake lemonade- take two or three reasonible-sized clusters of
red sumac berries, put them in a big pot of cold water and crush them up good with your hands until the water gets pretty dark and reddish. rub two clusters together like you’re washing clothes in a stream. strain through a screen (or a t-shirt). drink drink drink. makes a bunch of fake lemonade with no lemons. add sugar or honey if such is your inclination. sumac. “Good for those who feel that they have somehow missed life or have been passed by.” says dubious website.

ok, the trance buddha (new all ages (business (?)) show space in shrewsbury) has it’s second strike against it- their assy shockwave crashed my computer (and made me lose a whole entry). important dates- august 3rd see the terribles and the 4orks at mass art. that’s right- i did not miss the last 4orks show ever, apparently. bring a blank t-shirt and terribles drummer matt carroll (lazy genius) will screen print the team banzai image on it. this will come in handy when we all go see buckaroo banzai at the brattle in boston on the 10th. if “come in handy” means “make jake uncomfortable”. oh well. august 21st (a tuesday) see fiesel, the terribles, and some other bands i’m friends with at the lucky dog. i’m mcing the show, so be sure to be there to hear me make jokes about the swing revival. ouch. this is an all ages show (because i’m not a sucker). ouch. lucky dog taking some hits.

i love that i have dueling reports from china

yesterday i watched immortal beloved (which was pretty good). i have come to the conclusion that dracula = beethoven. also- i want this.

now accepting suggestions on name of new perzine-cum-poetry chapbook.

had a big house meeting on monday- so big and difficult i had to call in sick to be with my friends on tuesday. i did work on the new zine. i did no work on the four (4) mix tapes i owe people or the impending secret show. steve: “what are you working on, there- the poetry in your ass thing?”. pickle barrel for lunch. dinner i cooked some cheesey louisey, as is the custom.

i keep waffling on whether i do or do not want to assemble an ass-pocket-sized perzine out of diary entries. eventually i decided to make an ass-pocket-sized poetry chapbook. the important things here are- making things. making them ass-pocket-sized.

friday me and timbro rocked the ultra-choice chef of india buffet, i bought the new mouse on mars album (which rules). i so went to bed early- it was awesome. saturday went to see peralta at the lucky dog. it was kind of weird seeing a rock show that was non-punk, but i bought a t-shirt, so that’s something*. man, i’ve said it before, i’ll say it again, 21+ shows suck sooooooooooooo much. sunday me and my housemates filmed some scenes for our big pirate movie (which i want to call “fuck you everyone”, but no one’s with me).

*in the interests of full disclosure i feel i should note that the t-shirt does have a bat on it.