Please work you little cell phone


November 30, 2002 at 11:55 pm
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so la, it turns out, is out of the question. meaning i still don’t get to meet leoanrdr (who i’ve known for 6 years and have never met in person or talked to on the phone), and no mystical jim morrison desert experience. it’s really typical really, what we’re doing instead– something absurd which, were it anyone else’s activity, we would tilt our eyebrows at: going to florida and being beach bums. we’ll see what happens. nicky has to be back for sinus surgery on the 12th (so start painting those “get well soon” landscapes), but i give 65% odds that we’ll be back in a week.

thanksgiving went well– me and kc (age 7) drew more awesome anti-authoritarian comics. got dropped off that night in prov for “punksgiving” at the bakery. stranded the next morning by matt hallas that cur, that jag, that hogs’ tooth. oooh!!! took the bus home- not cool.


November 30, 2002 at 2:24 am
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ok, so i’m going on this roadtrip! leaving friday afternoon, me, nicky boom-boom, aross, and david “everyone deserves a dollar” moore will be passing through philadelphia, asheville (maybe), little rock (maybe), uh, austin tx, las vegas, silver city NM, los angeles, chicago, more. so get in touch should you have floor space for four snake-oil salesmen. i will hopefully be updating this page from the road via aross’ web-browsing cell phone technology, and checking the guestbook via same (assuming i can figure out wml right now, before dinner). aross made the excellant suggestion that the theme of the trip be “mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical developement” and i’m for it but we’ll see.


November 27, 2002 at 6:05 pm
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ok, so i have this idea but i need either:
the serial number for player pro 5.9.5
OR a mac program that translates midi to mod
OR pretty much any older version of player pro (which i can get the serial for).
i’ve been looking for these three things for like three days now and like the ship’s wheel belt buckle it’s driving me nuts. any help anyone can give, much appreciated. how else am i going to achieve my goal of switched-on ragtime?


November 26, 2002 at 12:50 pm
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the hawks’ nest had a party on friday with a reggae theme (but
smoothed-out on a r&b tip with a pop appeal to it). kartina made the mix
tapes so music lived up to her exacting, snooty standards, and a good time
was had by all. some were dressed up but none as dressed as i, wearing
green suede pants, steel-toed pilgrim shoes and a continental ascot
(and me a vegetarian). i’m
addicted to the sewing machine- specifically resewing shirts to make them
smaller laterally (max bialystock says if you got it flaunt it and what i
got is a high lattiude - longitude ratio). my date wore one of those
turtle-necky sweaters with a really wide collar and, when prompted, did
indeed turn it upside down and wear it that way (which (along with getting
people to wear swimsuits over pants) is something i’ve been trying to get
people to do
for years). this style is hot as shit.

saturday i achieved another long-time goal– staying in bed all day. it got light, it got dark. people were doing chores outside my door, people were inviting me to cartoon marathons nearby. where was i? in bed, eating birthday cake (holmes wilson nov 25 happy happy). previous admonitions against staying in bed notwithstanding, it was really really great. maybe the important thing (as it is with drinking booze or eating feta cheese, as i said to my mom this morning) is to do it consciously, and not casually, and always in celebration. i don’t know how this crazy world works– maybe there are other key factors.

fujichia:
our scientific theories are garbage
but we are not without our moments of clarity.


November 24, 2002 at 8:36 pm
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for a while reprise was my favorite label, because it had frank sinatra,
tiny tim, and the boredoms. then for a while it was href="http://www.folkways.si.edu/">smithsonian folkways, because
everything they ever made (including sounds of the satalites, and andre
wolfsonn’s experiments in extending the human vocal range) is still in
print via cdr. then it was esp
disk[o]
, because they had ni kantu en esperanto, albert ayler, and the
fugs. in the modern day, i think it might be href="http://www.birdmanrecords.com">birdman, (new) home to the
boredoms,
nusrat fateh ali khan, and herschel gordon lewis. the hgl cd boasts of
cover art “lettered by lux interior of the cramps”. !


November 22, 2002 at 3:40 pm
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my show in providence went pretty ok. i didn’t, as i had anticipated
earlier, end up giving a presentation at megumi’s electronic music class
earlier in the day, but that’s kind of good, as i was working on shit
until seriously the eleventh hour. the show itself was primarily kids from
new orleans who are on tour reading zines, but there was also poetry,
beatboxing (!), and three really good rock bands, on two stages. it was
nice– i could decide if i wanted to be grouped with the readers or the
rockers. i chose, for the night, the readers. i played some nice,
background-y stuff i had been working on, and read some pieces. anyway
that’s what i planned to do, until 10 of 2 the night before the show,
when, with a racing mind, i wrote all new material. i was thinking about
the nice boys who live at the sickle (the warehouse space under the
bakery) and how with the exception of dan l, hamish and jack, i didn’t
know thier names. so i concocted two good ruses to figure them out. one,
i’d be in conversation with them and i’d rope some dope in (say, nicky
revs) and say (to the sickler) “oh hey, this is my friend nicky revs” and
he’d say “oh hey, i’m [x].”. this remains a solid plan. slightly more
ornate is to address them by another name, something possible but
unlikely, like horace, or emmanual, or gilbert– they, of course, would
say, “my name’s not yancy (or whatever), it’s [x].”. i’d be like “yeah, i
know, i’m just fucking with you.” and case closed. however, this quickly
got more convoluted, to the point where they had occupations as well–
“hey, clement– you still sculpting doll arms?”. then the occupations got
convoluted and delicate, so convoluted and delicate that i was loathe to
assign them to anyone else, and soon the idea was just me introducing
myself– “hey, i’m jacob berendes– i volunteer at a company that restores
turn-of the century calliopes.”. of course this act was the gates
being flung
wide, and soon i was writing writing writing great occupational lies to
tell, then i said (at 4) aw fuck it, and that became my show. i played
the
backgroundy music i had worked out, and i told hilarious lies about
myself, including (but not limited to): “i am an apprentice cricket
breeder”, “i work at the second largest hello kitty distributor in the
country”, and “i animate flash for a japanese soda company”. all in all
i’d say it went pretty good. plus i set up the “distro all
monsters” table, and it was a five dollar success. i had additional plans
to auction off some of my signature banana bread (the
jpbsbb). unfortunately, while i was making it earlier that night i noticed
the tiny blade of the handmixer had disappeared and i could only fear the
worst (remembering roger kaputnik and the doctor’s lost watch). eh!


November 22, 2002 at 3:18 pm
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today (and wednesday evening) is the time i’ve allotted to “writing songs for thursday’s show”. and guess what i don’t want to do? anything!

oh yeah, i don’t think i’m going to go to blind guardian ($20 = expensive).


November 19, 2002 at 11:15 am
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oh, i almost forgot- the show the day after thanksgiving got cancelled, but i am playing at the bakery this thursday, email me for more info. i’m also going to be involved in some sort of presentation in my friend’s electronic music class, for which my big plans are to disagree with the professor (on anything) and to be paid in falafel from east side pockets.


November 18, 2002 at 4:56 am
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bad weather season has begun, with ice, snow and sleet. it is sleeting now.

friday night went to the terribles / tear it up show in provvy, followed by the bigfoot paul dance party. the show was weird but well-attended (incidentally, mike terrible i’ve got fifty hardcore dollars for you). the terribles played great although no one (save the usual suspects) seemed to care. someone was overheard descirbing them later as “like early descendants”, which is not true at all. i think they just said it because maybe mike looks like the descendants cartoon guy? anyway what i saw of the rest of the show i wasn’t so into. although i enjoyed seeing dad smith and sourpuss mark having a good time dancing for tear it up (smith says comments like this are condescending but it’s true). oh yeah, when they mentioned how awesome the new grand theft auto video game is i was microns away from yelling “stand still!” but i chickened out like the chicken i am.

dancing to paul-selected jams afterwards was fun, even when he put on “it must be something psychological“.


November 18, 2002 at 4:52 am
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it’s friday, so happy birthday bigfoot paul. paul, i call you this even though no one else does, but i think i’m going to have to change my ways. my reasons enumerated in the fashion of the week are: 1). only i call you this. 2). i suspect that you have another foot-related nickname (which i can not right now recall). 3). you are my primary paul, and the primary paul of all those with whom i would speak, so a nickname is not exactly nesseccary. on the other hand, 1). you do have the biggest feet of anyone i know. 2). if i were to have to specify in conversation exactly which paul i was refering to, i would want a way to do it without using your last name (”mccarthy”– too close to both the wings frontman and that hot dog gross-out guy). 3). yours is the kind of personality i would want to ascribe to a bigfoot: well mannered but a wild dancer; having good taste, charming friends, and a great collection of motown records. in other nickname-revisionist news, the cat got let out of the bag the other night regarding chickenhawk james as “precious”. he sheepishly accepted the nickname but now i can’t bring myself to use it. i think it’s just one of those words i want to retain in my vocabulary as an all-purpose nickname, like “captain”, “cheif”, “pumpkin”, “scooter”, and “bucksnort”. oh, w.w.[nick and/or alex curtin].d.?

oh yeah, the terribles are playing with tear it up and straight to hell tonight at the sickle in providence. i say it’s going to be weird, as the terribles are the east coast’s number one weird twangy increasingly technical personality-driven rock act, and the other bands are straight up hardcore. oh well!


crimestoppers may have noted that according to the last post, my mom and i sit down to dinner at 5:20 am. not so. rather, i write these things out before posting sometimes. why do i feel the need to mention this, obvious though it might be? there are nitpickers out there… and you know who you are.


November 14, 2002 at 5:27 am
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