there’s a part in “jacob two-two meets the hooded fang” where the intrepid shapiro is telling the warden of the children’s prison that jacob two two (age two plus two plus two years old) will be his undoing and the warden replies “jacob two two? he’s so small he can’t even slice a piece of bread by himself without it being two feet thick on one end and as thin as a piece of paper on the other!”. this is something i think about every night as i make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but as far as bread slicing goes lately, i’ve really been in the zone. jeremy would advise against eating so late, and i’ve heard of people who won’t even eat after dark but it’s like i’ve always said: what do these pedestrian rhythms have to do with me? it seems some people have problems making peanut butter and jelly but not me, i’ve got it all worked out. the main problem (around here anyway) is peanut butter in the jelly. using two knives is out of the question, so what can you do? why, jelly first, of course. wipe the knife on the clean piece of bread and move on, no fuss no muss. cool breeze has special license to spread peanut butter first because he only ever eats open-faced sandwiches if he can help it, and spreading penaut butter over jelly is a no-go. i think the only reason people get hung up on peanut butter first is that it’s the first part in the name of the sandwich. incidentally, “jelly peanut butter” is a name my aunt minoute calls me sometimes. other sandwich solutions solved: to avoid the jelly soaking through the bread while the sandwich is in storage, put peanut butter on both sides and jelly in the middle. this will, however, result in the jelly being more apt to slide around in the bag and even out of the sandwich (if held vertically), so watch out. some would say this leads right to the conclusion “you can’t win”. of course, i prefer the similar “it never ends”. oh man, have you seen those commercials for the prewrapped crustless pbj sealed pocket? gross. leonardr always used to talk about marionberry jam and i always thought he was putting me on but i recently desiced it’s a real thing. this has been peanut butter and jelly sandwich newswire.
ps- i also like to drink a cup of water before i go to bed, slightly higher than room temperature if the fates will allow.
