ok, so when you go to “fujichia.com” you go to an index page that displays four random pictures and a bunch of other options, and then you click through to get here. i have my reasons, maybe they aren’t good reasons. anyway, if you have followed a link from elsewhere or saved a link to http://www.fujichia.com/2008, and noticed that this is the last post, that’s because you’re in “year view” and looking at what is now the wrong year. so, if this is the case, go back to the total front and click back. ug. ok, you get the idea, or you can figure it out. i did.

anyway, happy new year’s everyone! be sure to eat sauerkraut tomorrow, to keep bed bugs away. or maybe that’s why you drink vodka on easter… anyway you better do it or you’ll get bedbugs / not welcome the heavenly host.

susan the grant writer arrives ravenous in a box with holes in it january 1st and me taking me seriously season officially starts. to rev up i’ve been working on my resume, or rather, i don’t know what it’s called– a list of everything i’ve done as an artist, tagged and annotated. what is this called? anyway, if anyone is nodding out on the internet at their parents’ house looking for things to brainstorm about, what are some fujichia products and events you have enjoyed? this could be a music show, a product or event at HBML, pretty much anything i was involved with in the last 9 years that struck a chord in some way. i’m especially looking for things i was involved with in 2003, or during any other blogging dead zone. what are the favorites, what are the really weird ones, what are the ones you liked the least? this topic was started months ago when i started putting this list together, so leave comments relevant to this discussion on this post. you can also see the list in progress on this del.icio.us account i set up just for this purpose, so far it’s dented but not even partially complete, maybe it’ll help you brainstorm ones i missed.

cross post on pretty alright

friday’s party at jong apps was fun, shmoozing with high school pals back for the holidays, who are fun and important to me and indeed, people to be proud of, rife with interesting stories and trajectories. cool bees was in town and is a known delight, and my sister’s fambly is a classic treasure, a baby learning how to stand up. we are between holidays and well into winter, at the cusp of death, the old man, and the baby. nonetheless the weather outside all weekend was mysteriously temperate and sweatshirty, flip floppy even, with the meltiness of spring and the vibrant sunsets of fall. hardly appropriate and also, windy, and purple in the afternoon. amanda, a tiny dancer lately of new orleans, was at the party– amanda, who i rarely see, whose svelte and charitable disregard i’ve always admired. this is perhaps coarse, but it occurred to me (saturday) that in her beauty, passion, and caprice, amanda (in her performance of the party attendant) is a fitting avatar of the recent weather: arriving drunk, doing the butt dance, standing on a chair saying “we’ve been drinking already” in your ear the way you might say “it’s really nice outside” to someone playing video games in a den. anyway the cops came and broke up the party, it was dramatic but also, who cares!

now it’s monday night, it started snowing again. all i talk about is the weather… what else is there?

so, every year on christmas me and purtle shoot penny ante craps in someone’s empty home. last night it was my home, it was me and him and mcoe, and i start saying dumb shit, and those two are so competitive with each other, it can really get hairy, like when they both started brushing their teeth at the same time and niether would stop before the other and it was hours later. anyways, push comes to shove and we wind driving to foxwoods casino in connecticut, the largest casino in the world, to walk around and spend a combined $5. we thought it would be empty save a few desperate souls, but that’s a pretty christ-o-centric way to look at it i guess because it was actually packed, and while there were depressing elements, it was pretty ok. the main problem as i saw it was slobs– why would you go play poker without wearing a nice shirt, maybe a cool hat or something? similarly, if roulette’s your game and you’re not wearing a tuxedo or beaded gown? what are you doing? slot machine, fine, wear a t-shirt. but come on, step up america! the coolest guy there was this incredible elderly dracula, a man with a long, dyed black, planet of the apes bob, and blu-blockers, getting a light for a cigarette and brief conversation from a nice young lady with a ready smile, totally weird but also not desperate, just an insane but confident look.

the really nice gifts this year were totally incidental- my mom giving me a rabbit’s foot fern because she had two, kevin fixing the pinball machine from HBML because he was bored, and something else i don’t want to mention until it for sure goes through, or at least until i get something in writing.

so i got this new computer and the “s” key doesn’t stick like the last one did, and just now i thought that someone who was trying to impersonate me in writing might catch this proclivity from past examples and not catch the change back to regular style. anyway, here’s the first in a lesson of how to impersonate me.

EATING

coffee with jer, who’s addicted to the word “hack”, and driving “funny bad” in the snow. playing too much of the rolling game, that rolling ball video game, a real “time toilet” as MZ says. making plans with purtle to draw every day. tonight there’s a godard double feature over at knapp’s spacious weirdo apartment, too bad i already made the joke “DO NOT GODARD”. listening to huggybear and redownloading the kirby “fourth world” collection (athough i would rather someone buy me the four books @ $50 each for christmas). inspired by the digital loss of the past week, i’m getting ready to get rid of a ton of clothes, although i may just bring all the extra t-shirts to the serger (sp?) at my mom’s house and make sheets out of them. that’s cute right? or too dingy? the grant went through for the shop– three month’s vacation rent and one month’s nonvacation “back on the feet” rent. after she ohio bowls with her cousins tonight, teleconference with grant writer and spitty handshaker susan succotash, we will talk about what exactly to run up which flagpole and how to get who people to salute. still playing the 4 track game, although i missed a night but i still recorded some stuff that night. so that’s what, seven days in a row? this is what my songs are about: daydreaming about being a viking; a love triangle between a helicopter pilot, a mounted police, and a werewolf; a haunty house that looks totally nice and fine and well kept; baby ducks spitting poison (this is the worst song– apologies to cool breeze who invented “baby ducks spit poison” years ago); teddy; something else i can’t remember. joanne played last night and was super apprehensive about it but her song was obviously awesome, even though it was about how the four track game suxx, and it’s too much pressure, and the basement is really cold (which is all true). the computer with the battery in it is a cool experience, i’ve been moving around the house and sitting next to people, the next step is in public, although at the coffee place everyone had one out except me, it was like an battleship tournament but without explosion sounds.

and now we’re back! my friend and technology offficer little andrew was unable to fix the old computer, nor extract from the old hard drive any work of the past year or so (the drive failed spectacularly, gouging three deep chasms in the disk itself). but he did work magic, and extricated from the old the piece missing from an old sitting-around laptop, which i was graciously gifted! thanks andrew!!!!!!!!!!! and the new one, even though it’s old, is still newer than my old one, and unlike any computer i’ve ever had, the battery works more than half decent.

the strangest thing in all this is the ease with which i lost the contents of the drive. not the ease with which it was lost (which is famously easy), but the ease with which i became at peace with the loss. this morning i took 20 minutes and replaced the programs i use, all of which are open source except photoshop, for which i found an open source replacement that looks like it’ll work ok. most of my writing is already published, and that which wasn’t is stuff i wasn’t happy with, so whatever. i’m sure there’s something i’ll be kicking myself about later, but i’ve been trying to inventory all the actual losses and i can’t think of much– there’s a folder of pictures i culled from the internet to post here (but haven’t got to yet), there’s a folder of comic books i downloaded (yet to be read), there’s some music i was working on that’s old enough to be backed up elsewhere, and music i was working on that i do not have backed up anywhere. so, the only actual loss of information is the songs, all of which i remember being simple, one of which i remember, and the others i have no idea what they even where. it’s kind of relief in this weird way. backups just pile up and then they themselves disintegrate– the lesson here is publish everything, publish early, and publish often.

it’s snowing and i’ve been having a great time being snowed in and playing the four track game, which over the course of five days has already filled up a tape (also, this means i’ve been writing and recording song a day for 5 days). just as i’m starting to get back in to writing, the rug gets pulled– my computer went “tits up” as it were, and now i’m trying to figure some sort of cheap cheap replacement. keep me in mind if you get a new laptop for christmas. also, on the topic of begging, the store ipod (a present from kpars a million years ago) shit the bed, so in either case, if you upgrade, consider downgrading your old guy to me.

tonight went to see yoni gordon and the goods at collective a go go, plus bread and roses and can kickers, a total 2002 kind of show. yoni always plays a long time, this time pretty early on he asked the crowd, “i can play a few more songs, hit it and quit, or i can go right into a long-ass set– which do you guys want?”. we decided to want a long-ass set. it ruled, although he did not play any of my requests, which were, in order over the course of the night, all of “electric warrior”, 75% of “electric warrior”, 2/3 of “electric warrior”, and a full album side from “electric warrior”. he did however, play the chorus of “bang a gong”.

big big thanks to mickey DM who indeed, baked me a loaf of excellent bread and delivered it today, and joanne, who knitted me a pair of mittens that fit totally perfect, on account of me and joanne having exactly the same size hands. THE BEST!

tomorrow (friday) from 6 to, there will be an art opening at the shoppe, featuring rebecca wasiliewski, a pen pal of one year. also tomorrow, a large snow storm, so it’ll most likely be me and rebecca wasiliewski playing gin rummy and eating triscuits and her drinking all the hot cider because it hurts my tummy. today the continuation of the week’s big HBML clean-up including a few days ago me and purtle drove all the old clothes to the little store which was a relief and 15 bags worth. in a related note, it looks like my grant for taking a vacation from the store will mostly go through– i’m 99% on 75% of it, but i’ll know for sure next wednesday (i think).

saturday night was the worcester debut of “jacob the terrible” aka “the terribles play the music of jacob berendes with jacob berendes singing the words part of the music”. the show was with dan wars’ new band garbage strike, plus lars and mariah’s band which i had the misfortune of accidentally naming “bloody swimsuit”, plus bone zone. in short, it ruled, and i pity anyone that had the oppurtunity but missed it. the show (our second) was like the first in the level of ecstatic reverie, but will forever be remembered for dan wars’ tearful proposal to jen macmahon in the middle of our set.

i’ve known dan and jen for a while now, and dan a long long while: i am honored to simply hang out with them and eat chinese food, i am very honored to be so close to the center at such a classically key life point as a marriage proposal. dan has always inspired me with his good humor, dedication, and strength of character. jen is a great artist and wonderful woman with a real heart of gold. pars taped the show with night vision on, and we just now, before me writing this, watched the tape– most of it is a swirling mess of people’s butts and studded leather jackets, the floor, the ceiling, people’s feet, people’s hair, people’s screaming sweaty faces. jen macmahon was just regularly wearing a tiara, dan looking nervousssssssssss until the deed, following which every time the camera caught him someone was shaking his hand. lots of great people were at the show– bonnie pravda, mungo dungo, and the super curtin bros drove up from NYC for the event; massive amounts of boston hog punx made the trek- hot dogs, jen millis, matty buttcakes, barker, crusty tim, lieber, julianna englander (who told all the jokes sideways and upside down). i made some new friends who kept saying the most wonderful things. the old friends dutifully continued to say wonderful things.

speaking of old friends, mike t moved away last week, which is exciting for him and a bummer for me. i’m not overly concerned as we are both good at letters (and in fact i got one from him today) but his is a presence i already miss. well, mike knows i love him and that i wish him the greatest, there’s no need to be dramatic.

the other big thing is dom’s wake and funeral, which i don’t need to dwell on but want to say a few words at least about. the first is impersonal, and i’m not trying to be cavalier, but i think this bears note: the wake was open casket, which is freaky, but i think ultimately valuable. mortuary science is an art mastered by few, but seeing the body of a loved one, all made up weird with puffy hands in a backless suit, takes you sideways through an important door: that’s not them, you are not your body. now personal notes: dom was buried in his actual clothes, a flannel shirt and what i think was his own band’s t-shirt. the flowers above the casket were in the shape of a guitar, but honestly, it looked like a hand with middle finger raised. also, andrew wk was there, playing piano in the background, something dom always said he wanted at his funeral. a book of dom’s poetry was passed out to those in line. it was, all in all, an amazing tribute. the service itself was nice, but was a church service. i didn’t go to the burial- instead me and jess van winkle went to pickle barrel and talked about our friend. saturday during the day we had a fundraiser at the store to help offset funeral costs and so on, silkscreening a picture of a thorny and fabulous plant onto anything anyone brought in. good turnout, a good time. lots more benefit shows planned.

as you may or may not have noticed, loyal readers, i took some time off in the past weeks. why exactly this happened i do not know, but i was enjoying it, until i wasn’t, then i had the darnedest time getting back in, finding my voice, etc., and truth be told, that is still somewhat the case, and not to undersell the drama of these reports, but to some degree, i am simply making my hands move. in the past i’ve gone spells without writing, spells fueled (or defueled) by depression. this one coincided with a sort of depression, but the actual cause is more nebulous: suddenly i was struck by the idea that i was being held down by the online journal– that by writing in this fashion, all my activities would be viewed as amateurish. to some degree i have disallowed myself the mystery and splendorous self-creation of the artist. i will never “come out of nowhere”, or “emerge fully formed”. so anyway, there is the loss of voice.

well, this is out of nowhere, but dominic is dead. dominic was a friend i only just met this year, but quickly became one of my favorite people. he volunteered at the shop and was in a ton of bands, including last lights, a hardcore band that was getting big. he was young, i think he was 24. he used to go to the firecracker bookstore and the space, two places i helped run in worcester in the late nineties, and he told me these were very influential to him– in this regard i was able to feel personal pride in his accomplishments, and just simply in his incredibly honorable character. he worked at some sort of rehab center or halfway house, and voraciously read a ton of good books, and hung out with his girlfriend, and wrote and played music, and i think this is pretty much all he did. on thursday night his band was playing a show in boston and while singing, he had a brain aneurysm and fell into a coma. he died friday night. i know that death is democratic, and favors no one. nonetheless i keep saying, in a way that’s almost arguing, that dom was pretty much the nicest, most honorable person you’d ever meet. this is a tremendous loss.